i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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