suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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