I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
