you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
