I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
