I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
