it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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