Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize