My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
