just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
