she woke up with a sticky ear
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
