wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
