So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
