Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
