This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
