i don't like sucking hair
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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