the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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