And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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