There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
