We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
should my penis look like a turkey
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
