I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
