I could have mohawked her pubes.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
