also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
