i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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