I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
