It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
