you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
