I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm at about main and main street
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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