I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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