While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize