Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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