If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
