I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
