So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
