Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize