1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize