is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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