3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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