I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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