I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
