no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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