Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
