Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
