I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
