nut hugger
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
