That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
