And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize