Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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