Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
