once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
This baby is an asshole
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
