As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
