Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize