jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I have tasted many bathrooms
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
