I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
