please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
