I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
