How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We have so much sex to catch up on
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
