i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
