Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
did i just pee glitter
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
