My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
