lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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