Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
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