So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i wish my penis had a tongue
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
