Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
