I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize