she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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