My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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